so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
