shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
