Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
