Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
