Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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