so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize