I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
