His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
