I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
