Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
