The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
