there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
