Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
