U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
