he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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