addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He has the fingertips of a God
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