Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
