the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize