No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
