i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
