He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
