She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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