By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
