She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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