I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize