she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
farters have to be the big spoon...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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