I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
