someone get that fucking seahorse.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
