But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize