Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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