She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
