So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
