i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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