I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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