i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
