I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
