Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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