Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
