Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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