I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
