Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
