im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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