How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
