had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
