I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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