I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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