THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
pray to the hookup gods
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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