He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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