My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
