I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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