using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
