I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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