She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
