i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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