it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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