I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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