All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
