I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
