He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
