i just had sex bonerless
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
