I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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