im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize