She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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