my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
no. you can't hotbox the world.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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