everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize