Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
